These endless days at home are a bit… dizzying, yes? A blur. I know I’m not alone in often wondering what day of the week it is, much less the actual date, ha! Isn’t it still March?
I am a work-from-home momma (photographer) to two young children, daughters, ages five and two and half years. Pre-Coronavirus they went to a preschool three days a week giving me 15 blessed hours to either work or do something for myself. It almost feels like a dream now, ha! We in Texas are 9 weeks into the self-isolation period, and while I won’t say our days have been easy (anyone telling you otherwise is LYING, ha!) we have fallen into a nice rhythm over the past month that allows for time together, time apart, creativity and mess, quiet and rest. And I hope to share with you what’s working for us in hopes that maybe some nugget in here will be helpful to you as well. This blog post will serve as surface-level glimpse into our daily rhythm, with some resources linked along the way.
Disclaimer: I am NOT receiving financial rewards for any of the links posted. These links are purely what I am going to on a weekly basis to find inspiration and motivation.
DAILY RHYTHM
Within about a week of the Coronavirus shelter-in-place mandate my Instagram feed was flooded with all of the daily schedules posted by various moms and mom-bloggers. And while I am in NO WAY dogging these hour by hour schedules, I knew it just would not work for me. I do like to be in control of my day, yes, but for our family I knew that adopting a strict hourly schedule would lead to A LOT of frustration and failure. So, I decided that a “rhythm” would better suit us. Rather than each hour of the day being strictly planned out, we have a visual picture schedule that lays out how we will move through our day (I literally drew stick figures on a folder, taped it to the wall, and the girls move a clothes pin down the rhythm as we move through our day). Again, my children are preschool age, so we are not having to deal with finishing school assignments. Please have so much grace for yourself if you are also juggling your kids’ school! Our “rhythm” is as follows (with NO specific time frames):
Breakfast
Mommy Exercise/Laundry // Kids’ Independent Play Time
Morning Snack
Mommy Play Time (The girls get my undivided attention for 30-45 minutes. We do an easy activity that can be cleaned up quickly – board game, puzzles, coloring, etc.)
Lunch
Rest Time // Work Time (Dorothy naps, Maxine plays, I go to my room to work)
Screen Time // Work Time (the girls watch a movie while I continue to work)
Afternoon Snack
Special Activity Time (the girls get my undivided attention for another 30-45 minutes while we do something a little more “messy” – play dough, kiddie pool, paint, etc)
Dinner Prep // Clean Up Time (I make dinner while the girls clean up their room)
Dinner
Bedtime
Again, there are NO set times for these activities. Sometimes breakfast is at 8:30 and takes 20 minutes, other times it’s at 7:00 and takes an hour. Same with every other item! It’s not about strict times, it’s about creating a PREDICTABLE rhythm so that your children can feel safe and thus have the ability to be more independent. For more on how to encourage independent play in your children (even babies!) I HIGHLY recommend Janet Lansbury’s website and podcast. Here are links to specific articles/podcasts targeting this topic:
Article: 7 Myths That Discourage Independent Play
Podcast: Independent Play, Bonding, and Setting Limits
Article: Independent Play: Five Hints to Get the Ball Rolling
Podcast: Kickstarting Your Child’s Learning and Play at Home
GET OUTSIDE. AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE.
I don’t know what it is about being outside, but my kids go from being needy, relentless she-wolves to lovely, independent, imaginative fairies when we go outside. It is the magic sauce. We go outside at EVERY POSSIBLE OPPORTUNITY. Breakfast? Outside. Mommy play time? Outside. Snack? Outside. Painting? Outside. You get the idea, haha! I’ve found with my girls that they will move from eating their breakfast or snack to playing together (nicely!) for at least 20 minutes. Bliss.
HOLD SPACE FOR ALL EMOTIONS, YES EVEN THE “BAD” ONES.
Though I will argue all day that no emotion is “bad”. Anger, sadness, stress, happiness, fear… ALL valid, NONE bad. We will each experience these emotions at some point. I want to remind you that our children do not have developed frontal lobes of their brain (the center of our brain that houses logic, reason, judgment, inhibition-control, etc.) so their anger, sadness, and fear will often present itself as crying, screaming, hitting, biting, throwing, tantruming, etc. Be there for it. Hold space for it. Drop to their level, hold them, let them know that their big feelings are NOT too much for you (even if they are) in the way you speak to them and teach them. Some great resources for how to handle our children’s big feelings/managing difficult behaviors:
Instagram:
Podcasts:
Podcast episode: Raising Emotional Intelligence and Resilience for a Meaningful Life
Books:
No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame
Articles:
Tantrums and Meltdowns: My Secret for Staying Calm When My Kids Are Not
Toddler Tantrums: Who’s In Control?
TAKE MOMENTS TO RECHARGE (BECAUSE WE DON’T HAVE HOURS)
With our children ever at home, finding loads of time to recharge is nearly impossible. I used to ask my husband for a “day off” in which I would take a Saturday about once every couple of months and leave the house, hopping from coffee shop to pedicure to thrift store with just myself… ahhh bliss. Hopefully one day that will be a reality again, ha! Instead, find MOMENTS of time, 15 minutes here and there. And try to reframe what “self-care” means during this time when going to the spa or getting a pedicure are not an option. For me, what this looks like is sitting separately from my kids at breakfast and reading a book while I finish my coffee. It means taking the first 20 minutes of their nap to read a book or scroll Instagram. After I bathe my kids, I let them play in the tub while I sit nearby and read my book. (Are you getting that I like to read? Ha!)
I am also learning, day at a time, how to listen to my body’s tired and hunger cues. I truly believe this is key to staying in control of our own emotions and behaviors. Fatigue and hunger will lead to increased irritability because until our primal needs are met our brains will really struggle to be logical. We cannot be patient parents and hold space for our kids’ big emotions when we are tired or hungry (and therefore emotional) ourselves. Whereas I used to power through my fatigue and check the next thing off of my to-do list, I am now listening to my body and lying down on the couch for 15 minutes. Rather than pushing through my hunger and answering two more emails, I have easy snacks at the ready (trail mix, protein bars, fruit). We MUST take care of ourselves if we are to constantly care for our children.
TRY SOMETHING NEW
Not everyday, but maybe once a week do something different with your kids. Make play dough, fly a kite in your front yard, take a nature walk, make a special drink (we literally just put a squeeze of lime juice into a glass with sparkling water and my kids think it’s the best thing ever, ha!), eat popsicles on the porch, run through the sprinkler. The sky’s the limit! Some of my favorite resources for kids’ activity ideas:
Instagram:
REMEMBER, THERE IS ABUNDANT GRACE
And we can do this.
Warmly,
HK
I miss you terribly!
Love and hugs to the whole Key family.
Hannah, thank you for this blog post. I needed this right now. The daily schedule is a nice reminder of how to work in quality kiddo time while still getting chores, cooking and work done. I’m a fan of a rolling rhythm too. I appreciate all the resources you’ve collected and shared with us. Excited to dive into these when there’s time.
Hardest job ever = stay at home mom. First timer here. Hang in there mamas!
Veronica, it is without a doubt the hardest job, ha. I see you. One day at a time, sometimes it’s one hour at a time, ha! Warmest wishes 🙂